Shocking News

I wouldn’t normally put stuff so personal up here, but I just had to write this down.
 
My aunt has been fighting cancer for the past year.  This is her 3rd time getting it.  She was orriginally given to christmas last year, but thankfully she has pulled through.  I knew she was having “good days and bad days”, but just this week, she has really deteriorated.  She is now according to my dad who lies with her at the minute, not really that aware, and is in alot of pain.  She doesn’t have that long to live.  I haven’t been to see her in like 4 or 5 years, (feel a bit guilty), but what am i going to say to a dying woman?  “How was your day?”.  Is that selfish of me not wanting to come down and see her?  I also think that we are extremely lucky that she has lasted this long.  I mean she wasn’t meant to last until christmas, and she is still here.
 
Yes it is hard when you are told she doesn’t have long, but at the end of the day, crying about it isn’t going to help.  If i do get upset, that is okay, but i am not going  to get upset because eeryone else is, if you know what I mean.
Do you think I am being selfish?  Should I be more upset?  I wasn’t really that close to her as I didn’t see her that much.  I want to stay positive, as I feel that I can’t just stop everything just because someone has died, or is going to die.  I don’t really feel that i will be much use at the funeral, so am not going to go.
 
Sorry if this is being selfish, but i just wanted to write it down.  I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being selfish!  Sorry again for not giving much info, but I don’t want to be giving too much away.  I have a guide dog to focus on, and can’t just stop everything.  Sorry again.
 
Thanks for letting me just write.  Any tips and advice would be appreciated.  Thanks.
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8 Comments on “Shocking News”

  1. Jen says:

    Really sorry to hear about your aunt.Its not your fault for not feeling really upset, especially since you weren't that close to her. Don't visit her just to make yourself feel better or because you feel you have too. I mean if you haven't seen her in that long there's no point in trying to feel differently from how you already do, just because you think you have to. I'm not explaining myself very well.If I was you, I'd only visit if you thought she really wanted to see you, or if you felt like she would benefit from it in any way. The best thing you can do now is to be there for your dad and try and help him.Take care.Jen xx

  2. Terri says:

    Such sad news, i'm really sorry Torie. I dont think your being selfish.This is just my opinion, i would go and see her. I know your not close to her and its been some time but i'm sure she will be pleased to see you. Even if you go just to support your dad, im sure he will appreciate you being there.

  3. Carin says:

    Sorry to hear about your aunt. Why is it that crazy stuff always happens during guide dog class? My classmates had to physically block me from the computer to keep me from getting more bad news hahaha! But don't question your feelings. They are your feelings, and you're entitled to them. Not being upset isn't wrong, it's just the way you feel. I guess the question I would ask myself is will I regret not going to see her? If you can answer that question clearly, then you know what to do. I will think of your aunt. So much pain and tragedy these last two years! Am I just noticing it more, or is there actually more?

  4. Michelle says:

    Oh Torie, sorry to hear this! I don't think you're being selfish. You're entitle to feel how you feel. Not everybody is going to be as upset about someone dying as other people. It depends on how well you know the person and all that. So what I'd do is support your Dad as much as you can in any way he needs it e.g having a quick visit with your aunt if you want, or make the visit as long as you like of course. Sorry, just my little suggestions lol! Um, what I'd do is say hi and that you're sorry to hear that she's so sick and that you're wishing the best for her. If you don't feel comfortable with the visit, then please don't pressure yourself. Maybe if it's to support your Dad then ok, but then you need to be able to tell him what you're going through, if you're able to? Hopefully he'll understand.I understand the idea that you can't just drop everything because of a tragedy like this because of Ushi, and that's normal too. But if you need to grieve, just sit down with her and hug her and do what you have to do like cry, or just hug her tight, or whatever it might be. I was upset over someone I know who was murdered, and she was dear to me. This person was murdered last year, so when I was grieving, I just sat with Troy whenever I could. Please don't worry if you think Ushi will stress out too much. It's better that she knows that you'll get upset sometimes, because then she knows how to react appropriately when you get stressed if she's in harness, then she'll be able to cope better in the long run. That's my advice on that anyway… Just take time to yourself and let Ushi know that it's all ok and that you're upset, then she'll be willing to comfort you I'm certain of it! Most dogs love to help their owners when they realise that something's wrong, I'm sure you know that. No offence, but I think this will create a better bond for you and Ushi, because she'll learn your ups and downs now rather than later. She might stress a bit, but then if she wants space she'll let you know… Just reassure her that things are ok.Man I feel bad for you now! I wish I was there, I hate how I can't just talk to people when they write about sad things happening in their life and yet I can't be there to be their friend or anything. Oh my God, this really had to happen at the wrong time didn't it! Well hopefully things will sort themselves out in the end, and I'm sending good wishes to your Dad and hopiung that your aunt has a peaceful transition. Poor thing, there have been plenty of people in my life who've died of cancer, and an aunty of mine is dying of cancer, so I know it's not a nice experience. But don't worry, everyone grieves differently, so if you're not upset then don't feel bad. It's not like you mean to be nasty or anything, it's just how you are and other people need to understand that.All the best,Michelle

  5. Michelle says:

    Oh Torie, sorry to hear this! You’re not being selfish, don’t feel bad if you’re not as upset as people might expect you to be. It’s who you are and people need to understand this. Just let Ushi know that it’s ok and she’ll be fine. It’s better for her to learn your ups and downs now rather than later. She’ll let you know if she needs space, but if I’m correct she’s more likely to want to stick by you and make sure you feel better! Just hug her tight and do what you have to do to cope with whatever grief you might be going through.I think that you should support your Dad however he needs it, but don’t pressure yourself if you find it too uncomfortable to visit your aunty. If you do happen to visit her, just say hi and that you’re sorry she’s sick and all that and let her know that she’s got people around her that will support her in making a peaceful transition. But if you don’t visit her then that’s not selfish. Everyone grieves differently according to how well they know the person and the rest of it.All the best,Michelle

  6. Torie says:

    Thanks so much for the lovely comments. It makes me feel a little better lol. I thought I was just being heartless lol.Yeah i will deffinetly go if i need to, but i'm not going to go just cause others want me to go. Plus I would rather have happy memories of her, rather than seeing her in pain and that. The last time I saw her about 3 or 4 years ago, she was in good form. I want that to stay that way.I don't want to get upset just for the sake of it if you know what I mean. I have explained that if i do get upset that's okay, but i'm not going to make myself get upset.Just everyone's lovely comments are better than you all being here. The comments mean alot. I think it's good that we have blogs, so that we can share our feelings or whatever.Thanks again so much. I am going to get ready for my morning walk. I want to enjoy it. Xxxxxxxxxx and hugs. You are all wee stars!

  7. Michelle says:

    Hi Torie, sorry, if you see two comments with the same name, it's because I thought the first comment didn't post so I posted another one! The blogs are funny sometimes.

  8. Jen and Bil says:

    Awww I don't think your being selfish at all… I know I had an aunt that died of cancer when I was yunger, and I was sad, but I didn't cry or anything because I didn't really know her well. Prayers going your way.


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