Sometimes you don’t know you are doing something, or just how bad it is until someone points it out to you. That moment came very hard for me today. Very hard indeed.
Over the past while i’ve noticed i’ve become quite sloppy with a few things. I’d say that i wanted to volunteer for an event then over sleep. Or i’d say i wanted to do an event then miss the train. It wasn’t just with guide dogs either. I did it a couple of times with Angel eyes things and also even when i was meeting my friend i would turn up late, or not get up in time. This was the most important part. I’d stay awake talking to my friend or doing other stuff until all hours and then i’d not be able to get up for things. When i’d get to whatever it was that i had volunteered for i’d stay all day, but the main problem was the fact things were in the morning. I could blame it on all sorts: the bus was late. We missed the train. I had a headache. I didn’t sleep. I overslept. The list goes on. Sometimes it was things like the bus was late or the taxi one time not taking me to the platform so i missed the train, but the others were just down to plane laziness and that was all there was to it.
Today was particularly bad. My friend had spent the weekend at my home since my mum and that were away. So me my friend and my sister spent the weekend together. The craic was brilliant, but unfortunately on Saturday night we spent a lot of time talking. We just didn’t feel tired. So we had very little sleep. I now realise that what i did was totally wrong and i shouldn’t have even thought of doing this. A volunteer driver was going to meet us to take us to a truck festival where we had a guide dogs collection. I sent a text asking if we could get a later train. I was told that no that couldn’t happen so i said i’d get up and get the 9 o’clock train. This was very very foolish i admit now. Anyway we met the driver and got taken to the place.
We were just busy chatting away when we both got a lecture. It was such a shock. We were basically told that we can’t start messing people about. We were told that if we arrange to do something we stick to it and don’t decide that morning to say that we can’t do it unless there is a valid reason. I just said that yes we had become sloppy and that we would try to stick to what we decided and try to get to bed earlier. I said that we would try to make it not happen again. To be honest i felt like crying. I was just so shocked. But what we were told rang true. At the end of the day we are adults. We need to take responsibility for our actions. Otherwise we wouldn’t be asked to go to things. Me and my friend wouldn’t want that.
So from now on if i’m going to go to something, i am going to buck up and go even if i don’t sleep that well. I wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot so i can’t really expect others to like it. The thing was i didn’t realise how much i was slacking on volunteering and other things until this point was made. I deffinetly think i needed to hear it though. At the end of the day if i was working or studdying i couldn’t get away with that, so why should i be allowed to get away with it in my other commitments.
I feel dreadful for how i have been over the past couple of months. I don’t know what was wrong. I just got in to a very very lazy slump. Not that anything was wrong other than pure laziness and late nights talking.
Sometimes you don’t know how much messing around affects other things until it hits you.
I don’t really know why i wrote this but sometimes you just need to admit that you were wrong and you have to realise actions have consequences. The last thing i want to do is cause problems for people, or even lose things that i enjoy or even friends because of being messed around too much.
I think that’s my ramble over. I’m not looking for a lecture in the comments or anything, i’m just basically writing that you have to realise that what you do has consequences. Maybe writing this will give me the motivation to actually buck up a bit and take my friendships and most importantly my voluntary roles very seriously indeed.
I think that’s all for now. Sorry for the ramble.