Scottish Sheep Farmer

Lol i got this from an email. It was just sent to me.

Warning:this is adult content, so don’t say i didn’t warn you.

Scottish Sheep Farmer

A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the
woods, has sex with them all, brings them back then goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
“Try again.” he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to
look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the
sheep are lying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “They’re all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.”

Walking The Dog

I got this sent to me in an email, and thought people might appreciate. Apparently it’s true!!!! Lol can you imagine this happening?

Walking the dog

Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney
Along the way. The flight attendant explained that
There would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted
To get off the aircraft the plane would re-board

In 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was
Blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and
Could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye
Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her

Throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before
Because the pilot approached her, and calling her by
Name, said, ‘Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost
An hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?’

The blind lady replied, ‘No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.’

Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.

People scattered.

They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story… Have a great day and remember…