Shocking News

I wouldn’t normally put stuff so personal up here, but I just had to write this down.
 
My aunt has been fighting cancer for the past year.  This is her 3rd time getting it.  She was orriginally given to christmas last year, but thankfully she has pulled through.  I knew she was having “good days and bad days”, but just this week, she has really deteriorated.  She is now according to my dad who lies with her at the minute, not really that aware, and is in alot of pain.  She doesn’t have that long to live.  I haven’t been to see her in like 4 or 5 years, (feel a bit guilty), but what am i going to say to a dying woman?  “How was your day?”.  Is that selfish of me not wanting to come down and see her?  I also think that we are extremely lucky that she has lasted this long.  I mean she wasn’t meant to last until christmas, and she is still here.
 
Yes it is hard when you are told she doesn’t have long, but at the end of the day, crying about it isn’t going to help.  If i do get upset, that is okay, but i am not going  to get upset because eeryone else is, if you know what I mean.
Do you think I am being selfish?  Should I be more upset?  I wasn’t really that close to her as I didn’t see her that much.  I want to stay positive, as I feel that I can’t just stop everything just because someone has died, or is going to die.  I don’t really feel that i will be much use at the funeral, so am not going to go.
 
Sorry if this is being selfish, but i just wanted to write it down.  I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being selfish!  Sorry again for not giving much info, but I don’t want to be giving too much away.  I have a guide dog to focus on, and can’t just stop everything.  Sorry again.
 
Thanks for letting me just write.  Any tips and advice would be appreciated.  Thanks.