As i sit here letting my dinner digest, i just thought i’d pop in and wish you all a happy Christmas. I hope you all have enjoyed your day.
I have done nothing, absolutely nothing all day. I am spending Christmas this year down at my dads with my sister. I didn’t have a clue what i wanted, so we’re just getting money this year. I do find it strange not having anything to open, but when you don’t know what you want, it’s hard to have something. We did of course have christmas dinner but other than that, we’ve just treated it as another day. Just another day.
I’ve been thinking about my uncle a lot though. He really loved when we were at his the christmas before last. He loved it every christmas come to think of it. It deffinetly is quite strange knowing that we won’t see him agin. Everything is getting squared away on that front, and the relivant documents are with the relivant people.
So i would like to thank everyone who wished me a happy christmas, and thanks to the friends who got me presents. I am desperate though and can’t wait to open my presents so i have to open them as soon as i get them :).
So i hope everyone enjoys the rest of their christmas day. I am off to catch up on The archers for this week as i’ve missed them this week. I hope people who are finding it hard can get through today. I think the older you get, the less christmas means, or maybe that’s just me. I think i shall wrapp up now. Take care all :).
Today we went up to my uncles house to get a few things as i had mentioned in my last post. I really was not looking forward to it at all.
First of all though, i went to my art class i have on a Thursday morning. That was good as usual. I can’t wait to learn the route to the community centre where it’s held though as it’s only a 20 minute walk away.
I then went in to town and met my dad and sis. We were going to get the bus up to my uncles, but i suggested that we walk up as it would probably do us all good and it would be a good walk for Ushi. It took us about 40 minutes which wasn’t too bad.
When we entered the house, we went straight upstairs because there were some not nice stains and flies and such downstairs. We didn’t really want Ushi sniffing around either. Even though the place was fumigated, the carpets or anything weren’t lifted, which wasn’t that nice to see i’m sure. It may have been just stains, but we didn’t want to take that risk.
Thankfully my aunt had cleared out the fridge and such and turned off the electric which was good. His Gas was also turned off too.
There was a big 15 kilo bag of Ushi’s old food which i got before i switched her to the burns and never got rid of it. It was in an airtight container, but dad said it probably wouldn’t be good going to anyone else. It’s a shame really as it’s just a waist otherwise.
Unfortunately i was not in good form when dad and my sister were clearing out things as i couldn’t actually do anything. I hate resting on my lorrals and feeling like a spare part. I know there wasn’t much i could do, but it was a bit boring just sitting there while everyone else did things. I’ve always hated being a spare part though. I told myself to wise up though and not be so selfish.
When we left, and were walking back in to town, i started to cheer up again. We walked around town for a bit before heading to get the train back to Ballymena. Dad found some pictures of us as kids that he gave to mum to keep which she appreciated. Dad found an old braille slate and cards explaining the contractions for braille. I asked mum about it and apparently my uncle had asked mum for it so he could braille out christmas cards to me. That was something he kept quiet. Sweet though.
So it was a difficult day for all of us. My dad said it wasn’t pleasant at all looking through his things and that. I’ve said that i will stay at home if anything else needs done, not because i’m heartless, but because there really is no point me being there.
Again i’m just so thankful that we didn’t find him. I think i will always be greatful that i wasn’t with him at the time when it happened.
Off to bed for me shortly. It’s been a long day.
So my uncle has been dead now for about 2 months now. It’s hard to believe. When i want to tell him things, i know i can’t now. Thankfully though, it wasn’t due to his bipollar or anything at all. He had had a massive heart attack which couldn’t have been prevented. It was a genettic condition he had. My granda died the very same way too, and it can be traced right back in mums side of the family. It only affected males though.
Unfortunately he had lay in the house for a few weeks, so the house needed to be fumigated by a specialist team. I am so thankful that we didn’t find him though. Or that we weren’t up at the house when it happened. It sends shivers up my spine to think what would have happened if i had been alone with him when it happened, for example.
Tomorrow my sister, dad and i are going up to the house to take some of our stuff we had left at his over the months. We may take some more things, depending what is in good condition to keep. Me and my sister have been generously left the house by my uncle which was such a nice thought. We haven’t decided what we’ll do with it yet though.
I’m kind of dreading going up to be honest. I know it is ours now, but it seems weird rummaging round his house. It kind of brings it home too. I wasn’t really affected by his death, but i did think of him a lot. But going up to what was his house will deffinetly bring it home alright. We don’t even know what state the house will be in. It’ll probably be freezing.
I hope we don’t spend too long there to be honest as i only have a couple things to grab and i don’t know, but i’m kind of weirded out about the whole thing.
I’m just going to treat the house as if it’s just an empty house, otherwise we won’t want to go in to it at all. I just felt a need to get my feelings out on to paper as it were.
So once again, rip Uncle Stephen, and thank you for all you did for us. You were totally great. I do miss texting you. I often think about when you phoned me to explain why you couldn’t text and that you had a weird illness. I think of the last texts i sent you when i said about you going to stay with Granny. Sorry i doubted in my head that you couldn’t because you couldn’t travel. I hope you’re happy where ever you are..
I recently read a post from
Who talked about writing a letter to her 13 year old self. I thought i’d do something similar but just to my past self in general. It’ll be in no particular order, but it’s something light hearted and sounded like fun. Hope you don’t mind Ro!
Dear past me
I have no idea where to start with this. Hmmm. I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens.
Remember when you were about 8 or 9 you and another boy were going to sing a song together for prize day? It was your first performance, and you were so nervous you ended up bursting in to tears in front of your music teacher. No wait it was on the bus to school. A classroom assistant had to take you round to your music teacher to reassure you though that it would be fine. I bet you didn’t think that later that year you would be performing in the choir, and be in “Joseph and the amazing technicoloured dream coat”? Or that you would keep in the choir and go to compititions and even be in a band later on in secondary school.
Remember when you first visited the what was then the guide dogs centre? You didn’t really understand it back then but had always gone on that when you were 16 you’d apply for a guide dog. I think that day you got a cuddley pup called Willow and a tray.
Remember how quiet you used to be in school? Just look at you now. I bet you’d never think you’d be doing talks and that about guide dogs.
Remember when you first met your rehab worker? Your mum had said it would either be a man or your socialworker but you wanted your socialworker as you were and still are quite fond of her. I still remember the first couple of lessons with him. The first day he talked about canes, and the next time you went to where your socialworker worked. You used a cane with a pencil tip. Your rehab worker had you hold the cane like a motorbike. This was to get you to know the angle of the way to hold the cane. You were so embarrassed. You flew round that building. You found it very scarey though when you went outside. Little did you know then that that same rehab worker would later ask if you wanted a guide dog, and you’d still see him today ocasionally.
Remember when you were in first year of your school? You got a product called a Braille and speak. You thought you had to be taught to use it and you kept using the perkins. Your CD player kept making this weird noise in class one day and one of the boys asked if you had your braille and speak. You thought someone would physically ask you to use it and you wouldn’t use it on your own. If it wasn’t for your R E teacher wanting you to use it you’d probably still be using the perkins.
Remember when you first learnt to touch type? You thought you were the best when you found the two little dots the teacher had put on the F and J keys so you’d find them. You then got speech for your home computer (Supernova), and all you wanted to do was type swear words into it! You later learnt how to use a pedal and tape to do your work that the teacher had recorded onto it.
Remember you wanted to learn the violin? When you played it you sounded like you were strangling the cat! You gave that up about two years later when you got into secondary school as you got bored and didn’t want to practice. You also played the keyboard in the band a few years later, and were in the choir.
That day you were running with your friends and you ran in front of your friend who was guiding you and she cut her knee badly? Well that wasn’t your fault. You blamed yourself for weeks and wouldn’t tell anyone you felt so ashamed. She never blamed you, so why should you? It was a total accident. It was partly the teachers fault too as she was partially sighted and guiding you and the teachers never thought.
When you got bullied, it was really important that you told someone instead of someone finding out because you were quieter than usual or something and you ended up bursting into tears. Thankfully now you’re slightly better and will try to tell people or at least write it down. You hated crying in front of people though and still do. You’re very private with your feelings. But it’s good you’re sharing some of the load now if you need to. You were only bullied because you were friends with these two girls, who had to leave school early since the bullying was very bad for them. Unfortunately you’ve had to lose these friends as you were taken advantage of a little.
Remember the braille reading compititions you used to have to do? You’d have to read braille for 3 minutes or something. And you couldn’t look at the braille until the clock started. They were every three years, but don’t seem to happen now. People of all ages were there. You came second in one of them, and i can’t remember what you won. Think it was a little radio? Unfortunately due to the nerves and all of one compitition, you ended up with a very bad fever because of it. You didn’t feel warm though but unfortunately you ended up having to go to the hospital because you had like a mini seizure. You lost your hearing, and became totally non responsive. Thankfully that doesn’t happen so much now, but you do ocasionally lose your hearing if you stand for too long which panicks you no end.
That little girl you took under your wing when you were in the last two years of secondary school? I think you did a great deal to help her. And you’ll get to meet her again when you’re 22 at a sponsored walk for guide dogs. And she’ll still remember you. She’ll be 12 then and she was only 6 when you first met her.
Remember that little boy you met when you were 13 or 14? He had said he was 13 too. He had ceribral paulzy. When he asked you to come over to his house for tea and when he asked you for sex, you shouldn’t have been quiet. Luckily your parents knew something was wrong and told you to stop seeing him which you did thank god. God knows what he was capable of! Scarey thought.
Remember when you first learnt how to email? You wanted to email everyone you knew because you could, and you thought it was really cool.
Remember how jealous you used to get when you didn’t have a phone and every else did? You’ll get one when you’re 18 and you’ll love it. That first text you sent took you like half an hour to send! Nnow you’re on your second phone, but you don’t want to go near touch screen phones as you like your buttons too much.
Remember that singer you used to like when you were about 12? He was called Declan Galbraith. Wonder does he still sing?
Remember you used to like just recording yourself having a conversation? You used to love playing it back to yourself too.
Remember when you went to see Saragh brightman with your uncle when you were about 9? You sat up to about two o’clock that morning because you couldn’t drink your hot chocolate because you thought it was too hot. You’ll go to Pink concerts years later, and you’ll also go to the Script later this year.
Remember when you wanted to become a social worker? You shouldn’t have let the fact that you had to do your GCSE maths in the college because the teacher at your school didn’t teach you it put you off. Unfortunately you got bored of that idea. You’re probably too caring anyway, so maybe social work wouldn’t be for you. You did volunteer with the Cedar foundation teaching computers, and you really enjoyed that, but unfortunately you didn’t know how to say no. You’re kept busy now with the talks and that you do though but i know you wish you were doing more.
I bet in school you never thought you’d have a guide dog years later. I remember when that was suggested you thought it was crazy. But you stuck with it and you’ve had your dog for two years now.
I suppose i’d better end this now, as i’m over 1 thousand 400 words. It’s amazing what happens when you ramble!
I guess all i’ve got to say is live your life to the full, go for things, and never let your blindness stop you. Take every opportunity that comes your way if you can.
I really enjoyed writing this, and i guess i’ll look back in the future and wonder what made me write this. Thanks Ro for the idea for it!
The me now.